Take the Compliment
Why do women struggle with taking a compliment? I know I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember. My most regrettable example is when I was managing a team for a tech company, my superiors complimented how my numbers were always at the top of the stack and I said, yeah, “I’m lucky my team is so good.” That was not exactly true. My team was good because I was good. I recruited my team, coached them, developed them, inspired, motivated and pushed them outside of their comfort zones, holding their hands every step of the way. Why was it so hard for me to say “Thank You, they are responding well to my leadership?” That lesson hurts because my leadership was a team of 6 men and I put myself in a box of waiting to be lucky to be viewed as good. You see, I did that to myself.
When women seem like they don’t take a compliment, it can be for a few reasons:
• Social conditioning: Many women are taught to be modest, so accepting praise outright might feel “wrong” or “conceited” or “boastful” to us.
• Trust issues: If a compliment feels insincere, manipulative, or objectifying, it’s natural to be suspicious or uncomfortable. You might even tie this to your effort, was that my best? Is it easy for me or am I putting it in 5th gear?
• Self-image: If you struggle with self-esteem, even a genuine compliment can feel hard to believe. Women tend to put themselves last in priorities, so this is not surprising compliments make us view ourselves in a different light.
• Past experiences: Some women have learned that compliments can sometimes come with strings attached, so we might be cautious. I will always advocate for you to listen to your gut, when your safety is of concern.
It’s rarely about the compliment itself — it’s usually about the context, the way it’s delivered, or how we’ve learned to protect ourselves.
When a woman learns to take a compliment, a few powerful things usually happen:
• Confidence grows: Accepting positive feedback helps reinforce self-worth and belief in our abilities or qualities. If you’ve not tried daily affirmations, this might be a good time to start!
• Energy shifts: Instead of deflecting or minimizing yourself, stand in your power more naturally. Yes Queen!!
• Connections improve: When you graciously accept a compliment, it creates a warmer, more genuine moment between people. Real sees real!!
• Inner peace: You’re no longer battling in your mind (“Do they really mean that?” “Am I being vain?”) — you can just receive and move on.
• Self-respect deepens: Acknowledging good things about myself, even when pointed out by others, strengthens my relationship with myself. Your relationship with yourself is your MOST important relationship. You are the best self when you can advocate for yourself and others. You and everyone you influence deserve to raised standards.
Building your THANK YOU muscle memory:
Practice. First attempt, say thank you and then hold your breath and move on. Second attempt, say thank you and keep eye contact, let them move on. Hold breath if necessary. Third attempt, say thank you and high five yourself in your mind! Hold breath if necessary.
Compliment other women. When you offer a genuine compliment to another woman, watch her light up. If she too is uneasy with taking a compliment, stop her from backing down and lead her to just saying Thank You and holding her breath. Point her to this blog!
Teach our daughters and other young women you can influence. When we notice younger women are uneasy with a compliment, teach them how to sit in acceptance of admiration and acceptance.
We can change the world when we say THANK YOU one compliment at a time and move on striving to be our best selves for us and all the future generations of FIERCE women.
xoxo, Rebecca
